By Lebo Pule
You know what they say about how acknowledging being half the battle won – and the famous Dr. Phil’s “you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge”
Admitting that you have a problem is the first step and the hardest, so congratulations for that.
Perhaps let me tell you what happened to Stanley after he acknowledged that he had a bad case of SRS.
Opening up
For the first time Stanley spoke to a trusted friend about what he has been going through, he had to be completely honest and open. He had to be willing to listen and to hear things that he may not necessarily want to hear.
He poured his heart out to this friend about some his fears the biggest fear being the fear of failure. This then explains why he never stayed long enough in an environment to make a lasting impact. The usual excuse for Stanley was that he gets bored too quickly whilst in fact it’s not so much boredom but more like fear, fear of being “exposed” that he is not as smart as he thinks he is, or that he is not good enough or worthy
Trust
It turns out that Stanley had trust issues, he did not trust that anyone will actually help him. You see as a child Stanley relied heavily, (like most children) on his parents and other family members to be there for him, for support, for love etc… Unfortunately that did not happen, no one really paid him much attention. They never attended any of his sporting or drama events at school, they never applauded when he accomplished something he valued. It really seemed as though no one really cared for him.
He then learned to rely completely on himself and to trust no one.
Stanley then needed to develop trust again, a very difficult yet very necessary process for change and healing to happen. He had to deal with old hurts, and had to forgive in order to trust again.
Ask for Advice and Take advice
He learned how to communicate properly, that is to articulate his concerns clearly. Whenever the old feeling of boredom or anxiety (fear) reared its nasty head, he would call his friend, talk about it, listen to different perspective and deal with it differently. He would speak to people in the same field who’ve been there much longer than he has, to get the good old advice on how to tackle challenges and to learn from them. In the processes he developed good solid friendships with people, something he never really experienced before.
Stanley is growing from strength to strength and doing incredibly well today.
How does this help you?
- Open up
Bear your soul to somebody, tell them about your deepest fears and anxieties, you will be surprised at how not so huge your problems turn out to be when you share with others. It will put things into perspective for you.
So Get involved, speak up, and share with others.
- Trust
Get to understand what your trust issues are and where they are stored? Often like Stanely they are stored in childhood though this is not always the case. So dig deeper and get to the core of why you don’t trust that you will get the help, the support and care you need – why you think that others will not meet your needs. It’s a tough exercise I acknowledge that but the rewards are worth it.
Take Advice
Remember no man is an island, we can only grow when we learn from one another. Take someone else’s advice once in a while particularly someone who has first hand experience of whatever you are going through.
Editor’s Note: LifeLine National Counselling Number 0861-322-322
