By Sandra Perry
Hello, again and welcome to our fourth piece in this series of coaching conversations. Continuing from last month’s conversation on building rapport, I will continue with this theme and go into detail on Starr’s scale on rapport. Buys (2007:110) aptly describes rapport as “the dance behind communication”. Whilst some of us may be naturally inclined to dance in tune, in other words to be in rapport, some may find that their dance is somewhat off beat – pointing to a gap in one’s competencies. Starr (2003:109) demonstrated that rapport is not simply a matter of either “having it” or “not having it”. Through the scale of rapport, Starr illustrated that our levels of rapport tends to vary between the one extreme at [+5] which reflected “support, trust, a sense of being positively connected in some way on the upper end of the scale”. Whereas on the negative side of the scale at the extreme level [-5], these levels of rapport manifested as “stronger, hostile feelings, even loathing rapport”. The scale of rapport at 0 indicated neutrality whereas levels of rapport between 0 and +5 ranged as follows:
- +4 strong sense of knowing
- +3 genuine warmth, kinship
- +2 comfortable, familiar
- +1 some warmth
- 0 neutral
- -1 hesitation, trepidation
- -2 some discomfort, detachment
- -3 awareness of dislike, disassociation
- -4 genuine aversion, real dislike
If one relates this scale by Starr and thinks of it in the context of coaching another individual either in one’s capacity as a manager or a workplace coach, one may observe that the levels of rapport either from the coach or coachee, may range between the levels demonstrated above. In my experience of coaching, during pre-coaching sessions where a coachee is briefed about the process etc, I often find that my level of rapport at the start of a coaching relationship, ranges from a level of 0 to +1 [neutral to some warmth]. During this session, the observation of coachees’ level of rapport ranges from -1 to +1 (anything from slight hesitation to some warmth). By the end of the “pre-coaching session” the rapport level inevitably shifts to +2 i.e. of both coach and coachee feeling pretty much comfortable and familiar. I guess that it is often the same in a relationship where the purpose of a conversation is a well formed outcome.
However, this does not mean that if these levels are not being experienced in the “pre-coaching” session, that something is wrong. Sometimes, this level of rapport may be influenced by how the individual may have previously experienced coaching or the organisation’s view and approach to coaching. If the individual comes from an organization where coaching is not clearly understood and its intention not defined as a means to genuinely awaken potential in an individual (both personal and performance related), and when coaching is seen as another management intervention to “deal with someone having a problem” then the level of rapport inevitably slides downwards on the scale. This level of rapport may be influenced by the coach clarifying the mandate, the process, the contract as well as the issue of confidentiality during the pre-coaching session. This pre-coaching session also allows for the coachee who may have been referred to a coach by the organization, to feel at ease with and allow for the rapport to set in. Other factors, such as the qualities and competencies of the coach also influence the level of rapport on the sliding scale.
What also seems to work is, at the very beginning of the coaching relationship, to ask the coachee “what would turn the lights off” or cause the coachee to exit the coaching relationship. These would all be factors that would assist the coach in remaining on the more “favourable side” of the scale of rapport. In a workplace where as a manager, one is coaching a staff member on performance and depending on the nature of the performance issue i.e. if it is about reviewing performance based on an objective performance management system where the indicators, weighting and scoring were clearly defined prior to the coaching, then the rapport level may range from -1 to 0. If however, the system may not be well applied or if the indicators are not clearly defined, the rapport level inevitably begins at -1 or -2 and depending on the nature of the conversation, may degenerate to levels -3 to -5 on the Starr scale i.e. a level of dislike, disassociation and in some cases real aversion.
How then, as a coach, does one work towards a level of rapport that begins at a safely neutral to warm level and gets raised to a level of comfort, warmth and knowing that is conducive to producing outcomes that translate into results?
This takes us back to the elements that influence rapport, the elements of trust. This may be enhanced by the coach or manager, at the beginning and even before the session, using a reflective process and setting some clear goals and intentions. Buys (2007:308) provides a very useful “Personal Exercise Journal” which allows one to set clear goals and examine areas about oneself as a coach that one needs to “start doing”, “stop doing” and “continue doing”. The journal also has questions about how, between the coaching session, one is able to reflect on whether we are using the tools and techniques advocated to build rapport. What this shows is that in the workplace, as a manager who also coaches, rapport-building takes place to a large extent, outside of a formal coaching session and is ongoing. The scale of rapport between oneself and the coachee is affected each time a coachee approaches you as coach/manager with an issue and if we fall into the trap of continuing to be the problem solver in the workplace, then the coaching relationship will take longer to take off. Whereas, if we shift our approach more to using each interaction with an employee to coach, by asking the employee, what options do they have and exploring the options as per the GROW model, the rapport level steps up above +1.
The rapport-building process, in my experience as manager and coach is also strengthened through a strong mentoring process. And on two occasions this year at a national coaching and mentoring conference as well as a coaching conference attended last week, more evidence and feedback from coaches is beginning to demonstrate that coaching is closely linked to mentoring and although defined quite distinctly, are found to be becoming more inseparable. Although defined very differently, both processes seek similar outputs – one (coaching) may be based more on techniques and directive and co-creative conversation or perhaps illustrated as a dance – could be the “quick step” – requiring co-operative and structured movements at a fast pace, whereas the other (mentoring) is more based on the quality of a “timeless waltz” – where time may not appear to be of the essence – but requiring both mentor and mentee to move along at the same pace – without the “rush”.
As we continue with our “dance” of building rapport both personally and professionally and strving to dance on Starr’s scale above 0, let’s use the wisdom of asking the 3 reflective questions suggested by Buys at the end of each week (2007:321) and apply it to improve our rapport building competency: What do I need to/want to start doing differently; what do I need/want to stop doing and what would I like to continue doing in the way that I build rapport?
Recommended reading and reference:
Management by Coaching 7 basic keys by Lauron Buys [Chapter 5]
If you have a question or a coaching experience that you would like to share, please send it through to sandra@regenesys.co.za/linda@regenesys.co.za
DISCLAIMER: These coaching conversations are aimed at sharing information with you as fellow coaches or as coach/managers in the workplace. It is not intended as coaching advice and in no way advocates that you take what is shared here as adequate to coach professionally. It must be acknowledged that coaching is a growing profession and with expanding interest from the academic community, a whole body of knowledge and research is available for reference.
